Random Thoughts

   I have been in theater for most of my life. I don’t truly count those beginning steps, but I do recognize their importance. My first performance was a lie I performed, I simply said I had brushed my teeth when I truly hadn’t. I learned that Shakespeare’s quote “ life is a play” was true. Everything can be an act, if you try hard enough. With that I realized that I loved theatre and as part of that, I began to practice theatre in many different forms.

I first started with friends, just taking roles each and playing make believe. But with that came the art of lying even further. soon enough I discovered the fact that the best part of acting was that it was lying, according to premade script, without any repercussions of lying. I loved it.

Soon I involved myself with any form of theatre I could find. I enrolled in musicals, improv camps even charity services. I loved lying. It was more than an art, it was a lifestyle. It wasn’t a drug, it was not obsession it was no fad. it was a series of choices that every time I chose to lie id be digging myself deeper. Even today I lie. I can’t stop. For it is theatre. Theatre is the art of being able to assume an entire new series of facts and ideals and even a new personality. Without that id be nothing I am today. I am smiling as I write this because I know now I know what I am. I am an actor. I love it. my life is an act, it is nothing more than a series of lies I've dug myself into. now there is no escape because I love it too much. I am sure these are the drunken ravings of a mad man but tis the truth. I am nothing more than a lie. I hide my emotions. nothing affects me, today I saw a man’s life escape before me and I didn’t bat an eye. because this is all a play to me. nothing can change that. 

I see life as one massive play. we are all players, bound to our parts. I hate my part. I find it so dull and meaningless. I find that feeling of being locked into one storyline impossible. No one knows me, no one knows my story line. they know the one I’ve given them, and each person sees a different one. they only see the script I’ve given them. each version of my life has a different script, with different lines, different actors and different plot styles. the only common ideal is the author, me.

I want to write my play and because I’ve rewritten it so many times I will never be able to do that. there are too many scripts to erase. some call me a chronic liar, others call me shameless and others call me full of shit. But I am a writer. a Playwright, a playwright of my life. All I ask is for the ability to publish my piece without question.